Sitting here in silence trying to figure out this thing called love. It's so flipping confusing. I seriously don't know what to make of it...and I'm starting to wonder if it's meant for me.
I'm tired of love hurting me, tired of it making me cry, just tired of love period. It's like...wtf is the point. I thought love was supposed to make you happy, supposed to make life more joyous. Well when the hell is that coming for me. I'm so lonely...but at the same time with my track record, I'm just going to end up alone anyway because all those I end up with I make unhappy...in one way or another...I'm doing something wrong to hurt them, whether intentional or not...or vice versa.
And I'm ALWAYS compromising myself just so that they can be happy. The moment I'm not, I find grief all over again. I feel like the only way anyone can be happy with me is if I change who I am, what makes me, me, and be exactly what they want me to be. I feel like I have to give up some part of myself...stop talking to everyone around me, become a hermit and unhappy with my life and self, then they will be happy.
I just wish that people would understand that I am not them...I do not conduct myself as such and the last time I did such things it was completely for naught and left me totally miserable during and after the fact which is why I refuse to let go of who I am and what I do now. I don't give a f*** about who you talk to or may or may not flirt with because I am secure in myself...but everyone is not like me. And I can't expect them to be but they cannot expect that of me either.
Love expects so much from me...never promising and actually delivering anything in return. It's just so f***ing selfish and draining. Yea...I'm seriously starting to think...maybe...love is not for me...because love...u suck.
No comments:
Post a Comment