Sunday, June 27, 2010

Morning Reflection

(Written June 15, 2010)

You ever wake up deep in thought?  That's where I am today. I woke up thinking...the more things change, the more I stay the a sense. I've realized that, while my thought process matures, it by no means has veared off the normal course. In its development, it is and always will be on this path. Even in my changing, it remains logical and rational just as it always has been.  It is the heart that usually throws me...the heart that is irrational...and that's ok because one balances the other. The problem is...allowin my heart to lead me and make the decisions in my life which is why it seems plausible when those I allow to get close to me make ME feel crazy or Ive completely lost it. *smh*

It's been said in many ways: if you find, while banging your head up against the wall, it begins to hurt, then stop; If your tired of going through the same thing over and over again...then do something different. It's as simply complicated as that. I've stated before that I was tired of banging my head up against the wall because it was starting to I am still banging it. My mind has come to this conclusion many times but I keep foolishly listening to my heart. Why do I say as I change for the better, there are constants in my life that I keep allowing to be...just in different forms...THEY are my wall.  So I figure...remove the wall...the banging stops...the healing begins. Sounds simple enough...but complicated nonetheless.

Heh, now that's a thought process. *nodding* Now you can read this rant and take this however you want, makes no never mind to me, it just is and matters not...not to anyone but myself. Just needed to "speak it out loud" I guess. Seems to make more sense that way.


Random Thought

(Written June 15, 2010)

I feel like I'm supposed to live in a box & conform to rules that are, not only not my own, but, in essence, don't even seem logical & therefore, are not acceptable to me. My thought process is not irrational & is not just just does not belong to you.  What do I mean? I am not the only one that thinks as I do.  I know I'm not crazy although sometimes that's how I feel...but I guess that's what happens when u try to cage one who is used to thinking & swimming freely in open waters. I am tired of one ever got anywhere by running in circles & that's exactly what I seem to be doing.  I cannot fit into your perception of me...& my trying to conform to such will do nothing positive in the long run. I am what I am & what I will be. You either love it...or leave it alone.