Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A Conversation With God

Hey, Jehovah. How are You?  I wish I knew...or maybe I don't.  Or maybe I do but if You were to reveal it to me, I'd probably wish You hadn't...right?  Idk, lol.

As you know, I've been all over the place lately.  Stress through the roof...okay, so maybe not through the roof but the level is definitely high.  I'm just trying to be patient, You know.  Being patient when it comes to my livelihood is not really something I'm good at but then I don't have much of a choice.  Being still...Doing nothing...I feel like I'm doing nothing more so than I feel like I'm being still.  It's frustrating, just waiting.  You know what it is I want right?  I know You're all knowing, I was just wondering if I needed to speak it aloud.  I'll do that privately.  While I feel very much comfortable speaking to You out in the open now, some things are still just between me and You.

Talking to You in the open...remember when I struggled with that?  It wasn't that long ago, so I'm sure You do.  I used to have a hard time simply stating Your name aloud in front of different crowds.  But my being able to speak to You freely in such way with this new found courage makes me proud.  I'd rather it be this way.  I think I owe You this much in the very least...I mean I owe more but lets face it, I could never repay You for everything You are to and for me.  So, I'll just simply share my conversations with You with everyone and no one...who ever keeps track of this here blog.

I'm happy to say that lately, my mood has been better although my worry is pretty much the same if not more.  I'm still scared because I have no idea where I'm headed.  Where things seemed so clear to me before, they are now quite blurry.  Plus, I want to make sure I'm headed in the direction I'm supposed to be headed in...I kinda need Your help with that, a little guidance here and there to let me know You approve and this is right, if You don't mind.  I know You're a busy man, so I'll do my best not to utilize all Your time (an impossible feat considering You are infinite in all things) =).

You know, I didn't really have any specific reason for writing this...just to say hey I suppose.  But since I'm writing it I do want to say, I appreciate everything.  You have set my spirit at ease and have made it easy for me to approach You once again.  Yes, life is still hectic and I still need Your foot to connect with my backside every now and again to kick me back into gear and keep me on track and all that good stuff.  Yes, I'm asking if You's needed.  But I know that if I continue to have faith and trust that powers that be, (You), things will work least I'm hoping.  You may have something else in store for me, who knows but You.  I just know that, I want what I want and I want what's right for me, as well as what is meant for me...what I deserve.  Do I deserve nothing? I sure hope not but You would be the judge of that.

So...yea...that job?  You know the one...can You tell them to get a move on it! That's the one I want.  It's perfect for me (I was gonna wait to ask You about this but what for when I'm talking to You now).  Good schedule, good workout, decent enough money for me to get by and I would still be able to take my trip.  I'd say its a win for me all around.  If you could show me what it is I need to be doing so I can get if I need to just continue to be still or if I need to harass some folk or something...yea...I'd appreciate that, lol.  That's the one I want.  Can You make it happen for me?  Thanks...

Uh...I think that's all I got.  Um, thank you...for listening...and thank you for everything again, You know, the calming of the spirit, the easing (for the most part) of my mind and just...just everything.  You are awesome to say the least. =)

It's been real.  And in your son's name I pray...

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